Kathy Kroening

Adam and Eve. In this creation story from the primary religious text that many people in this country embrace, everything was rosy for the first couple until the woman destroyed it. Adam and Eve lived a simple and blissful life in the plentiful Garden of Eden until a serpent enticed Eve to eat fruit from the forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil which she shared with Adam. The Father’s punishment for Eve was that all women would endure painful childbirth and become submissive to their male partners, condemned to lives of pain and suffering. According to this narrative, women were doomed from the start. Eve, seeking to better herself by acquiring knowledge and becoming enlightened, not only loses her identity and independence, but suffers the wrath of her father and shame, blame, and anger from her mate. Did this narrative insidiously weave itself into the fabric of society creating oppression, degradation, and control of women as a baseline that men in power fight to maintain?

It is important to keep in mind that I am speaking about beliefs at the societal level, not those of individual men and women, more a kind of collective unconscious. There are certainly many men in this country who respect women and are more than willing to support and partner with them in domestic and occupational endeavors. And there are many women who desire and support equality. How did the belief that women are lesser than men become so ingrained in this collective unconscious and what actions have kept it firmly anchored in this country for so long? Is there a clue in the simple naming of a body part that happened centuries ago?

The word penis comes from the same Latin word meaning tail. It was most likely coined in the late 1600’s by men of medicine, borrowing from existing language. This would seem an odd choice given the idiom “tail between one’s legs” which refers to behavior in dogs expressing fear and submission. Perhaps on a subconscious level the term was representative of men’s fear of women’s power. All men are born of women and the ability to create life is certainly one power women have that men do not. Yes, men contribute sperm necessary to fertilize an ovum but a woman’s body feeds and nurtures the developing fetus before delivering the newborn into this world. Now that is power!

As babies and boys, men need and are dependent upon their mothers. They are loved, fed, bathed, dressed, nurtured, cuddled, kissed, comforted by a woman and rely on her for everything. As they grow, there is a gradual separation from mother, accelerating rapidly during puberty and adolescence as boys explore and experiment with what it means to be a man. Is it possible the pain of rejecting dependence on mother creates a subconscious resentment of this need that is projected on all women for the rest of a man’s life?

Within the context of heterosexual relationships, men need women more than women need men. In general, men’s sex drive is higher than women’s. (Laan et al., 2021) Despite negative economic costs and often sole childcare responsibility more women initiate divorce, report increased happiness post-divorce, and do not remarry, compared to men. (Parker et al., 2022) In marriage women perform more of the domestic chores and organize social engagements for the couple. (Hess et al., 2020; Robins & Mason, 2024) After divorce men are more socially isolated and less capable of basic domestic chores such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, and organizing their personal lives. Do these discrepancies further highlight women’s independence and men’s dependence, adding to the deeply seated subconscious resentment and potentially escalating to hatred?

While this very brief examination of possible psychological factors driving oppression of women may contribute to understanding societal beliefs, a better target for intervention is the behavioral choices that are made as a result of these beliefs. I am a psychiatric nurse practitioner with over 40 years of experience in the field. I have worked inpatient psychiatry in the military, adult jails and prisons, the juvenile justice system, and several of the most acute psychiatric units in a four-state region in the Pacific Northwest. I have also worked in outpatient mental health with adults living with chronic mental illness in downtown Seattle as well as teenagers with complex medical and psychiatric symptoms for the last 22 years. I have seen the dregs of human behavior but I have also seen the incredible potential of the human mind. As humans, one advantage we possess over other species is our ability to critically analyze information and make informed choices about our behavior. A brief glance at the news headlines demonstrates our tendency toward hatred, violence, and destruction at this moment in time, but we are also capable of great compassion, empathy, respect, and creative problem solving. Let us examine some of the behavioral tactics used to continue oppression of women.

Women have often been called the weaker sex. Are men really stronger than women? Physically, male bodies have advantages in terms of bone structure, muscle mass, and lean body mass that provide a physiological edge. In a small but interesting study comparing male and female athletes who participate in strength and power events, multiple measures concluded that men possessed a significant advantage in maximal strength and power. (Bartolomei et al., 2021) While most men are physically stronger than most women, this does not prevent women from developing significant physical strength. This strength difference may not be something most people give much thought to, but any woman who has ever been victimized by a man either physically, sexually, or both, experiences decreased confidence in her own ability to defend and protect herself. This perceptual shift can lead to chronic feelings of increased vulnerability and fear.

In the behavioral realm, most people tend to use what works for them to get what they want and need. If men view their physical strength as a primary asset, they are more likely to use it as a means of control with other men and women. This masculine approach of power, coercion, and control rather than communication, compassion, and compromise is far too prevalent. Manifestations of this include rape, intimate partner violence, human trafficking, hate crimes, mass shootings, assassinations, and war, with weapons being a phallic extension of masculine power and domination.

Current statistics on rape in the United States are difficult to find and interpret. Each year the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) publishes a report on crime compiled from data submitted by law enforcement agencies around the country. The cover sheet for this report states one rape occurs every 4.1 minutes (approximately 131,400 rapes in a year based on the current US population) and that rape decreased by approximately 5% in 2024. Statistics and graphs in this document include reported number of offenses for aggravated assault with a weapon, robbery with a weapon, burglary, motor vehicle theft, violent crime and property crime clearances and arrests, hate crimes, and assault and murder of law enforcement officers but not for rape. Buried on page 23 of this 42-page report it is stated that the estimated rate of rape in 2024 was 37.5 per 100,000 inhabitants or approximately 12,750 which is a gross underestimate compared to the statistic reported on the cover sheet. (United States Department of Justice, 2025) This rate seems low given other reported statistics over the years. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) the number of estimated rapes in the US each year is closer to 423,020. Their estimate is that a rape occurs in the US every 74 seconds. (RAINN, n.d.) This is probably an underestimate but even so, if you take a minute to think about this, in the 20 minutes it takes to read this post, approximately 16 rapes will be committed in this country.

The reasons for the lack of accurate data on rape vary. In the case of a report like the one compiled by the FBI, in order to be included in their statistics the rape would need to be reported to law enforcement officials and every law enforcement agency in every jurisdiction in the country would need to be included in the report. While men are also sexually assaulted, women make up the majority of victims and in the FBI report the gender of victims was not specified. When surveys are used to collect such sensitive data, many respondents do not feel comfortable disclosing this information to a stranger. RAINN states only one in three victims of rape report it and 80% of college women do not report sexual assault. (RAINN, n.d.) Rape is often not reported for fear the victim will not be believed or will suffer retaliation from the offender. Even if a woman reports the rape she is often blamed for the act, accused of lying, and publicly ridiculed and humiliated.

The legal system in this country works against women when it comes to prosecution of crimes against her body, sending the message that her body does not belong to her and can be used and abused by others without penalty or recrimination. Many cases hinge on whether the jury believes the man’s or the woman’s testimony. Her life will be scrutinized, her character assassinated, her fashion choices demonized, her behavior questioned, and her intentions filtered through the lens of patriarchal beliefs about women. If there is DNA evidence to establish that intercourse happened between the perpetrator and victim, the sex will be labeled consensual. If there is physical evidence of forced intercourse such as vaginal or anal tearing, the prosecution will state the woman liked rough sex. RAINN states out of 1000 sexual assaults, 50 reports lead to an arrest, 28 to felony conviction with only 25% being sentenced to incarceration. This equates with roughly 98% of perpetrators experiencing no legal consequences. (RAINN, n.d.) The abysmal response from the legal system reinforces this behavior that continues the violation, degradation, and oppression of women.

As a young nursing student, I remember learning that rape was motivated by power and control. There was a distinct attempt to separate it from sexual behavior which made me angry. I view this decoupling of sexual arousal from motivation as yet another patriarchal excuse to deflect criticism. It is more socially acceptable for men to be seen as asserting dominance by using their power rather than making conscious choices to act on their sexual urges violently and without consent. As a lifelong student of human behavior, I see this cognitive distortion spiraling outward with dangerous and devastating consequences. When sexual arousal becomes paired with inflicting violence and pain on a sexual partner this behavior escalates over time and is reinforced each time a perpetrator receives sexual gratification from an aggressive act of violation.

In order to better understand this relationship between violence and sexual arousal, think about Pavlov’s experiments with dogs in the late 1800’s. He paired an unconditioned stimulus with a neutral stimulus in an attempt to make it a conditioned stimulus. In his experiments the unconditioned stimulus was food, which caused salivation in the dogs, a natural response to food. He added ringing a bell (neutral stimulus) shortly before presenting the food and eventually the dogs would salivate when the bell rang, even if no food was presented, making the bell a conditioned stimulus. (Sanvictores et al., 2024) In the case of sexual arousal, it is an unconditioned stimulus, a natural response humans have towards other people they find attractive. When a violent act like rape is paired with arousal the violence becomes a conditioned stimulus. While it is possible to uncouple the conditioned stimulus from the behavioral response it takes a tremendous amount of work over an extended period of time and success depends on the individual’s motivation to make a change.

The evidence presented above demonstrates that while rape may be used as a form of power and control against women it is also about sex. It involves sexual arousal on the part of the man and reinforces gratification from sexual violence against women. The consequence for these men is the increasing need to continue seeking sexual gratification through violent behavior. The consequences for the women they victimize include Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (50-60%), sleep difficulty, substance use, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, shame, sexual dysfunction, and sexual avoidance, all of which interfere significantly in daily functioning and relationships. (Serrano-Rodriguez et al., 2024). Rape has devastating consequences for women and is seemingly tolerated in our society. When sexual assault occurs within the context of intimate partner violence, the level of devastation is magnified.

Intimate partner violence is another form of power and control. The majority of perpetrators are men and their victims are women although men can be victims and it is not exclusive to heterosexual relationships. It includes sexual and physical violence, psychological aggression, or stalking by a current or former intimate partner. Estimates vary between 30% and 47% of women experiencing intimate partner violence during their lifetime. It is the leading cause of death by homicide among women in the United States. (Maza et al., 2021; Leemis et al., 2022) Within the spectrum of intimate partner violence of women, lifetime occurrence of physical violence is 42%, sexual violence 20%, and stalking 13.5%. Acts of emotional aggression by perpetrators include control of finances, isolation from family and friends, demanding to know where the woman is at all times, threatening physical harm, threatening suicide, making decisions for the woman, and destroying things that are important to her. (Leemis et al., 2022)

Intimate partner violence produces significant health and mental health consequences for women and any children in the home. Despite the substantial consequences, as a society we have not made much progress in addressing the problem. In her excellent book No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us, Rachel Louise Snyder details many of the roadblocks to tackling this issue. She reminds us there were laws in place to protect animals from cruelty for several decades before laws were created to protect wives and there were nearly three times more pet shelters than domestic violence shelters in the US in the 1990s. (p. 12) The first legal protection in the US was the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act  which was not passed until 1984. (p. 13) In 1990, then Senator Biden introduced the Violence Against Women Act that took four years to pass and be enacted into law. (p. 14) As in the case of rape, victims of intimate partner violence are often not believed or treated respectfully in our legal system and many perpetrators walk away with minimal consequences. (p. 11)

Perhaps the most damaging social judgment of women who are victims of intimate partner violence is the common question “Why don’t they just leave”? There are many reasons women stay: they love their partner; they have no job or income to support themselves and their children; they have nowhere else to go; they have been told repeatedly they are worthless and no one else will ever want or love them; they know if they leave their partner will find them and the consequences will be brutal. The the most dangerous time in an intimate partner violence relationship is when a woman leaves. Years of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse, lack of resources, isolation, and threats of violence and death keep women trapped in these relationships.

Photo by Kathy Kroening. View from summit of Mt. Spokane (elevation 5,883 feet). August 2022

Given the scope of violence against women in this country how do we begin to make changes? Knowledge is power. Can we educate men and women about safe, supportive, and respectful relationships and begin this education in elementary school? Can we acknowledge each individual makes conscious choices about their behavior and demand accountability at the personal level and within our judicial system? A woman’s body, behavior, and attire are not responsible for men choosing to act on their sexual desires. Can we step out of our day to day lives and make the subconscious conscious, acknowledging the ongoing oppression, violence, degradation, and control of women? Can we see the forest for the trees? And most importantly, can women come together as a strong and resilient community to support and protect each other, unite in our advocacy for our rights, and own our power?

Until next time sisters stay safe, be well, be kind to yourself, support each other, and spread the love.

Photo by Kathy Kroening. Seattle, WA. May 2025

References:

Bartolomei, S., Grillone, G., Michele, R., & Cortesi, M. (2021) A Comparison Between Male and Female Athletes in Relative Strength and Power Performances. Journal of Functional Morphology and Kinesiology, 6(1). https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7930971/

Hess, C., Ahmed, T., & Hayes, J. (2020). Providing Unpaid Household and Care Work in the United States: Uncovering Inequality. Institute for Women’s Policy Research. IWPR #C487. https://iwpr.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/IWPR-Providing-Unpaid-Household-and-Care-Work-in-the-United-States-Uncovering-Inequality.pdf

Laan, E., Klein, V., Werner, M., van Lunsen, R., & Janssen, E. (2021). In Pursuit of Pleasure: A Biopsychosocial Perspective on Sexual Pleasure and Gender. International Journal of Sexual Health, 33(4). https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19317611.2021.1965689#abstract

Leemis, R., Friar, N., Khatiwada, S., Chen, M., Kresnow, M., Smith, S., Caslin, S., & Basile, K. (2022). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/documentation/NISVSReportonIPV_2022.pdf

Mazza, M., Marano, G., Gonsalez del Castillo, A., Chieffo, D., Monti, L., Janiri, D., Moccia, L., & Sani, G. (2021). Intimate Partner Violence: A Loop of Abuse, Depression and Victimization. World Journal of Psychiatry, 11(6), 215-221. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8209536/

Parker, G., Durante, K., Hill, S., Haselton, M. (2022). Why Women Choose Divorce: An Evolutionary Perspective. Current Opinion in Psychology, 43, 300-306. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352250X21001299

Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network. (n.d.). Facts and Statistics: The Scope of the Problem. https://rainn.org/get-informed/facts-statistics-the-scope-of-the-problem/

Sanvictores, T., Mahabadi, N., & Rehman, C. (2024). Classical Conditioning. StatPearls. National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470326/

Serrano-Rodriguez, E., Luque-Ribelles, V., & Hervias-Parejo, V. (2024). Psychosocial Consequences of Sexual Assault on Women: A Scoping Review. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 54(1), 231-258. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11782293/

Snyder, R.L. (2019). No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us. Bloomsbury Publishing.

United States Department of Justice – Federal Bureau of Investigation. (2025). Uniform Crime Reporting Program, Summary of Reported Crimes in the Nation, 2024. https://cde.ucr.cjis.gov/LATEST/webapp/#/pages/explorer/crime/special-reports